“I know he’s having an affair” “I think my husband is having an emotional affair with one of his co-workers” “My wife is cheating on me with her phone”
As a couples counselor in Irvine, California, I hear these complaints, or similar ones quite often. Yes, the same phones that make our lives a lot easier, also make it easier to have an affair.
This is a difficult discovery for my clients, and I make it a priority to clarify and affirm them at this time of betrayal. First, we clarify the truth of their perceptions and once clarified, the betrayed partner requires support and affirmation along with skills that empower them.
Couples usually come into counseling with me feeling frustrated and misunderstood by their partner. A betrayal is a total disconnection and involves a reality shift. This reality shift leads to arguing, hurt, and anger. Without counseling, their thoughts eventually shift to dissolving the relationship. Miscommunication about the breach of trust, leads to further issues in their relationship.
Couples Counseling after a betrayal, can help you and your partner have an improved relationship. We will explore the meaning of this transgression, and what led up to it. In my experience the couples that are committed to therapy and each other work through the healing process, and then create a stronger relationship bond than they previously had. Their old relationship destroyed and the new one takes its place. This time built on more openness and truth.
Here are my 3 steps to healing after a betrayal.
1. Accepting the relationship is a lie and allow for time grief and healing.
2. Disclosure of transgressions to enable trust to begin.
3. Discover a new relationship built on a strong foundation.
This process begins when you make that first call. I’m Dr. Kerns and I am an Experienced Couples Counselor. Couples counseling can help to change relationship patterns into dynamic interactions where relationships thrive, even after a betrayal.
Sessions are designed to generate an understanding of the viewpoint of the partner. From this understanding we work together to build the relationship by a blending of the strengths and weaknesses of each partner.
Success is achieved by a consistent working through of issues, each time with the partners taking more responsibility with the tools that they have learned from previous sessions. I have helped many couples heal and discover meaning, and I can help you.
If you need help with this indiscretion in your relationship, please call me
at 949-285-5199.
I am located at: 4199 Campus Drive, Suite #550
Irvine, CA 92612
